A Banana's Life

A banana is someone who's Chinese but doesn't speak Chinese, having English as a primary language instead. I don't know why one is called a banana, other than the stipulation that maybe like a banana, the person is yellow on the outside but white on the inside. (Chinese ppl are said to be yellow-skinned)

I am a banana. I barely speak Chinese; my knowledge of the language is very basic, and stretches no farther than the common, "What time is it?" "I want to sleep." "Where are you going?" or my personal favourite: "I'm hungry."

I really don't know why we end up as bananas... I spent 2 years in Chung Ching and moved away because I found Chinese too hard. My sister is in Form 1, and she still fails Chinese. It's really strange, but I guess it all comes down to who you hang out with. I do have Chinese friends, but I speak English with them. Sometimes I find it uncomfortable if other people have a conversation in Chinese. Not that it's wrong or anything, but it makes me feel inadequate. It's like, what kind of Chinese am I? I don't know if bananas everywhere feel the same, but it really bothers me sometimes. As if I don't feel enough like an outsider.

I always use the excuse that I'm part-Dusun, but then that always leads to the question: "So you speak Dusun?" Me: "Er, no."

But I guess my Malay is better than the average Chinese's. Which I can owe to the fact that most of my good friends are Malay.

When I think of it, I'm only like a quarter Chinese, my dad's half-chinese and my mum's also half-chinese, so half x half = a quarter(?)

I really don't know, but the only Chinese part of me is my name. I don't even look Chinese. I don't know what I look like. I remember asking my friend what I looked like when he first met me and his answer after some "hmmms" was: "You don't look like anything!"

Anyway, just food for thought. Why there are some bananas and how they feel. =D I don't know what I'm saying.

I dreamt about a friend who I decided will not be a friend anymore (temporarily). There were two of him, one was the one from reality, and yet there was another that I was in love with. So weird I tell you. I was running away from the one I hated and I turned to this guy who I knew I cared about and only when we were zooming away, I realised they looked exactly alike, and yet they were two different people... It's weird, but it doesn't mean anything, because there is seriously no romantic possibility between us two, not even before when we were on good terms!! Hahaha. But the dream was weird.

Oh yeah, and my usual complaint: I need a boyfriend!!!

I've been single for far, far, far too long and it's totally unnatural. I feel so unattractive. I'm an unattractive banana!!! *cries*

I'm moving in hostel tomorrow. I hate moving in. And I hate moving out too. Why don't we just have the same room for 4 years? Then at least we can feel comfortable, not feel like a freaking nomad.

I just spent the whole week finishing NFS: Carbon. I hate canyon duels. No nitrous, no speedbreakers, so bendy. And the stuff are so freakin expensive!!! I had to sell of almost all my cars!!! Including my Nissan 350Z and my Aston Martin *cries* Now I'm left with my Lotus and my Lambo. And I still can't do the damned canyon duels. I won all boss races except the canyon duel with Darius and I had to quit. Meaning I have to do over the whole thing if I replay again. Oh and I'm gonna miss my PS2 when uni starts again. I want one in my room!!!! Uwa. Then I definitely won't study. =D

Anyway this post is long enough I think. Don't know if I'll be blogging much once uni starts (again, curse u wifi-less hostel!). So cyaaaaaaaaa!!!