Moodiness

I've been having bad mood swings for almost a week now... Swinging between numbness and major depression. The climax of which happened yesterday in Lecture Theatre, where I just started crying. I really don't know why... I just feel so miserable... I know what part of the cause is... and I guess mixed with the idea of exams.. and IBE essays which I still haven't started on... and possibly PMS... I just feel extreme misery... Right now I'm still in denial... and I've just noticed my usage of ellipses... Whoops.

I think I'm full of contradictions.

I'm nice, but I'm also not nice.
I'm smart, but I'm lazy.

I hate that I can't control my emotions. I seem to be feeling one thing at a moment, and can feel differently the next moment... I hate it. I hate my moodiness. I hate my depression.

Damn damn damn. Exams so close... Why am I still procrastinating?? Argh, I need help.

Simplicity is so rare in most situations. And even when things are simple, I just seem to complicate things by just being me. Me the emotional, dramatic one. I seem to have a flair for drama. (I should be an actress... =P)

I read something in bash about procrastination. Let me try to find it again...

mayb: procrastination is like masturbation
mayb: it's fun until you realize you just f*cked yourself

Wilson just left for KK today (Yes, again.)

And he told me that he might be going China in May. And KL in June. And he's leaving for Perth in July.

Yes I am NOT happy about this. I feel like I'm having a relationship with my handphone, which is how I usually can talk to him. It sucks.

Not to mention he's totally oblivious to when I'm upset and when I'm not. Or maybe he does realise it... Ack whatever. Point is, I'm upset about it. Yes yes. Some of you may think that I'm an attention whore blogging about my love life so blatantly. Fck off, it's my blog I'll do what I want. Close the window if it bothers you. See if I care. I am an attention whore, so what? I find putting my thoughts into words soothing... See, I feel better already. The knot in my stomach has loosened somewhat.

There are times when I look back at my life so far, and I just feel sad over what I've lost. I've lost friendships, I've lost opportunities, and most important of all I've lost my naivete. I think I miss that most of all. Children can be so lucky. They are totally oblivious to stress, to the troubles going on outside of their lives. An easy, worry-free life. I miss that.

Argh exams... IBE... T.T

I shall be very happy when it comes to my 3-month holidays!!! You'll see me going like this =D

Oh this reminds me of a bash quote.

smcn: one of these days
smcn: i'm going to hunt down and kill whoever invented emoticons
smcn: then i'm going to look at him and go >=D

Sigh. I'll probably be bashing after this... Did I mention I had a test tomorrow??