Broken

I don't know how much longer I can stand this.

We broke up. It's been almost a week.

And I've been ok... at times... It kind of fluctuates. Work has a major part in distracting me, which is great. But it's those times when I lie in bed trying to fall asleep or just daydreaming that I start thinking.

I dreamt about him last night. It was such a vivid dream. And it made me realise that no matter how much I try to fool myself, I am nowhere near getting over him, and that I miss him, and want him.

In that dream we were together in his car and for some reason I was sitting in the back. He stopped the car and turned back to look at me. I propped my head on his shoulder. Then he gave me a little kiss. And I asked him what he was doing. He smiled and said, "What, you don't really think that it's over do you?" And I was all like, "It isn't?"

I think that was my subconscious. DAMN YOU SUBCONSCIOUS! The dream didn't stop there, no. It was a long painful dream where everything was all normal and we were laughing and talking again.

When I woke up, I started to cry a little, because I didn't want the dream to end, because I missed him, because the last few days of denial finally caught up with me.

Most people still don't know about it, because I didn't feel the urge to tell. I think I was still reluctant to let go. I could feel that by telling, it was making it more real and more true. God.... I don't know what I need for me to feel better.... Everywhere I go, it seems like I'm reminded of him.

And we're not on speaking terms even. Which is my choice, because I didn't think I could pretend to be friends with him. Also, because he's a stupid stupid immature idiot. Everyone keeps telling me it's his loss. I know it is, because come on it's me *sizzle* LOL jk jk. Seriously, there are very very very few people who can stand him, see how many more girls he can find that has a high tolerance level.

Oh fck I gotta get ready for work!!! SHIT I'm gonna be late!1