Me, Me, Me, ME

Am I self-centred? I don't know. But I think I am a bit of an attention whore. I need attention.

(Warning: Extreme randomness in this post)

God, I'm so bored. And mildly depressed. And by mildly I mean I'm so depressed I'm numb.

I hate feeling insecure of myself. Vulnerable. Uncertain. That's why sometimes I think I'm better off alone. No one to please(or disappoint) but myself. I seriously don't know what I'm talking about dammit.

Why am I so weird? Why can't I be simple? Why do I have to experience all this stupid dramatic depression episodes?

"Life is a box of chocolates, you'll never know what you're gonna get."

-- Forrest Gump

Why must it be chocolates? I want simplicity! SIMPLE SIMPLE SIMPLE!

I haven't cried in a while. I used to cry all the time because I'm so emotional. But now, even if I want to, I can't. I wonder what that means.

I'm feeling fat again. There goes my restraint. Five light meals? Now five heavy meals with snacking sessions.

I eat a lot more when I get depressed. There you go, I just finished a packet of wafer sticks. Whee.

Ok ok, I'll get to whatever's been bothering me: silent handphone.

If there's anything I hate, it's a silent handphone. Dammit. I don't feel loved. I don't feel missed.

Seriously, what's going on? (I might delete or edit this post if I end up angst-ing over nothing haha)

I feel like I've been pissing everybody off lately. And on purpose. I don't know why I do that. It's uncontrollable. I'm hating myself at the same time that I'm being rude and bitchy. What the helllllll

Is he rubbing off on me? Soon will my own friends not want to talk to me?

I am so needy. But I have pride. That's kind of a bad combination. Because now I just feel miserable because I'm not getting enough attention, but I don't go crawling for it. Mind games... they suck.

I hate feeling stupid. Bah. Oh no, I recognize this depression as the same one I was in last semester. Damn damn damn WHY?!

Anyway, will probably blog later. A more cheery post I think. Heeyeah!