Reasons Why I Want To Kill Myself Right Now

I can't sleep. I really really want to sleep, but I can't.

I'm feeling stressed out. My MIB groupmate texted me asking me to interview MIB teachers. Sounds simple, but I still feel stressed out. Anything to do with MIB gives me extreme anxiety, because I can't speak bloody Malay. Oh and I have to record the interview on video. And what do I ask them? I know that I could just ask her, but the thing is, she's already done the rest of the work. YES SHE DID. And I don't wanna feel even more incompetent and useless than I already am by bothering her about all this. I don't even know what my exact topic is. Something to do with MIB and education and morals and students. Sigh. Why am I such a bad student? Why can't I be a perfect 'A' grade student? Why can I NOT feel useless for once? I really should tell Tzen about this but she's stressed out like I am, and I think she might appreciate the oblivion that she's in now a little longer. Plus, she has another presentation to work on. I do, too. And therefore I am stressed out even more. I get rashes when I am stressed. I'll tell her tomorrow.

I'm suffering from Wilson withdrawals. Yup, it's the name that I've given this stupid mood-swings, depression, pissyness thingy that I have. I can't stop missing him. It's all his fault. He practically forced himself into my life, and I guess I've gotten too attached to him too fast. I just miss him a lot. I miss talking to him. I miss him teasing me. I miss laughing at all the stupid things he said. God, I just miss him so much. I feel so cut off from him. Dammit.

So I tried to forget about it and go to sleep. But you know how, when you try to sleep, your mind starts to wander?? Yeah. My mind does that a lot. It's the main reason why I can't sleep. So I start thinking about MIB.

'Oh God, I hate MIB. When do I get this done? Tzen's busy with her other presentation tomorrow, and I have to wait for her to do the damned thing. Saturday? I'm scared it'll be too late. Our presentation's on Tuesday... And oh God, I have to do the IICT presentation for Monday... I haven't gotten started yet... And so many tests... Oh God.... No, stop thinking about school stuff, let me sleep first and worry tomorrow..."

I stop thinking about school.

'I'm so sleepy... I should sleep... I wonder whether Wilson's asleep. Where has he been the whole day? I haven't heard a peep from him. I miss him. Dammit, doesn't he miss me too? Asshole. You make me like you, then up and leave on me... No, No stop thinking about him. I need to distract myself!! Let me think about something else..."

......... I start thinking again.......

'Oh God... MIB...'

AND SO THE CYCLE CONTINUES!!!

I can't sleep! I need sleep!! I just need to escape from reality for a little while... I wish I had sleeping pills...

My insomnia is making me depressed and I just want to kill myself. Then I won't have to worry so much anymore...

Why do I have to be such a worrywart???? Sigh.. I'm so depressed... and sleepy....