Lost Times

Hey ho I haven't blogged in a while.

Today is technically 28th September and the last post was 11th September so that makes it *breeepp*breeeep*breeeep* ...... seventeen days! Whoopa!

Yes yes I just turned 20, the big two-oh. Time flies fast doesn't it? Oh, btw, this blog has just turned one. So doubly happy birthday to me and "The Articulation Of Me"!

I'm not gonna say much about what I did today, because as almost all my birthdays, it was pretty much uneventful. Which was ok I think. I wasn't really in the mood for anything big. Just felt like laying back and chill.

Big dinner at Rizqun. I still feel bloated.

Malas wanna put picture. Didn't take much anyway. I forgot. The camwhore in me is MIA.

Somehow this birthday strikes me as being different than the past few years'. I used to feel this weird thrill at the thought of my birthday approaching. But funnily enough, this year, that thrill became a sense of dread. Isn't it weird? I didn't know what I was dreading exactly. But I think it had something to do with the fact that before, I've always had this idea that life changes after every birthday. Like, suddenly you're a year older so somehow, life isn't gonna be the same again.

So somehow, every birthday, I always think, 'Okay, something wonderful is gonna happen today', and I wait, and I wait, and then it's midnight again, and it's 28th September and nothing new has happened. So there's always that sense of letdown after every birthday.

This year I just knew nothing was gonna change, so instead of hoping something would happen, I got that sense of dread as in, 'I know nothing's gonna happen, but I don't really want to experience nothing happening to me'. Confusing? Well, it's like I don't want to be proven right, that nothing would happen, you know? I dunno how to simplify that.

Anyway, it's 28th again, and nothing happened today.

But I'm ok with that. Because instead of hoping for something to happen today, I just think about what has happened between my 19th birthday and this recent 20th birthday.

I made new friends. Good friends, and I'm so glad.

I've survived through my first year in UBD.

I experienced a relationship.

I experienced a break up. (Although it was not pleasant, but I guess heartbreaks are necessary in life to make you grow. You learn from your mistakes.)

I've lost friends. Well, maybe not lost, but more like we've drifted apart.

I worked for the first time in my entire life. And I found that I'm not entirely incompetent. =)

I'm beginning to find out just what I'm capable of.

So I guess there is more to celebrate about than just the anniversary of my birth. Maybe birthdays aren't really about celebrating your birth, but celebrating your growth as an individual.

Hmm... Something to think about.

Whee~

Just dropped by to say....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEENA!!

Lucky today's a holiday eh?? You're 20 now!!! Yay! The big two-oh! =)

See ya when I see ya babes!! *hugs*

Quick Note

Still under construction! Felt like going back to basics for a while. Damn, I seriously don't get these code thingies.

Anyhoo.

It's sleepy time for me so I gotta go now.

Buenas noches amigos~

Dammit

I'm so so tired.

Did not accomplish anything in the last 3 hours I was online supposedly working on my FIS assignment. No textbook= very very payah. Sigh.

I don't feel so great inside... In other words, I'm depressed again. There is a part of me that really wants to sleep and just not wake up tomorrow. A teeny part. Makes me feel guilty for being so selfish.

I just feel sad.

And alone.

And empty.

Living a pointless, fruitless life.

I want Prozac.

Need happy pills.

Need therapy.

I want to stop feeling things. I want to be unfeeling for once.

Anyway. I'm really tired.

Screw you FIS. Screw you Accounting. Imma sleep now.

Nights.